Okay. So I started this blog last year and haven't really kept up with it - maybe posted every couple of weeks/months. Yesterday I went over the posts and really thought YUCK! Too much complaining and not enough gratitude so I took them off the site. I also go back and forth as to using our real names or nicknames. Maybe just first name or nicknames. Am I taking this too seriously?? Over analyzing- no not me. Next week starts Lent and during this time we are to look at ourselves and how we can be better children of God. Many people think we just give up candy (usually that's what teens and older children practice) and that is one (of many) misconceptions of my faith. Jesus sacrificed for our sins and so we are to review ourselves and how we can improve ourselves -with our family,friends,and spiritually. I think I am going to use this time to really work on some things about myself and use this blog to be accountable. So what do I need to work on? I'm not sure if there is enough space on the Internet. Plus, I can't try to change everything or I'll be doomed to fail. So I think I will start with the most important areas of my life which would include my family, my faith, and my home.
As I read some of my favorite blogs, I am able to catch a glimpse of how others are handling life's ups and downs. And just day to day life. It makes me feel better knowing that so many women are struggling with the same issues of raising a family, working inside/outside the home and finding time for themselves. Not that I am glad -just feel like I am truly not alone. In my head I knew others felt the struggle, but it really helps to read other's perspective and how they handle it. For me, I really want to make everything perfect and I think I overwhelm myself with the thought of how to achieve this. I know, I know, it's impossible to achieve a perfect home, family, and life. I know I should rethink my definition of what perfect is and work toward a more realistic perfect. But it's ingrained in my DNA. I can say the words but I can't change the behavior. So a lot of times I end up doing nothing at all and then, i.e. my home, I really get upset because it's a disaster!!
The turning point came yesterday morning when I was taking my son to my girlfriend's house before school. There was a radio commercial for a product called "Good Days" which is a natural supplement that is suppose to help with mood. Here is the conversation-
Jeff: "Mom, I think I would like to buy you some Good Days.
Me: "Why? Don't you think I have good days?"
Jeff: "Well, you like to go to bed early and you don't seem happy."
Me (to myself): Good Lord -even my 7 yr old thinks I need help!
Yeah- it's really actually cute and funny and I laugh about it now, but it really hit home. I think God is reaching out to me the best way -through my kids- to let me know I've got a lot to work on. There's no time like now and with Lent starting next week I can use this as my Lenten duty. And my blog (and anyone out there reading) my accountability! I need to do some thought mapping to help me decide one habit in each of the above three areas to begin work on. Pray for me - especially to remind myself to keep it simple!